Lucas’ Balls (Timewarp Story)
January 23, 2022
Lucas’ Balls
(Note: This is a timewarp story from May 25, 2017. ENJOY!)
Vegetables are a fun subject for writers. Toss in toddlers and you have instant comedy. For example:
Lucas loves to eat. We tease that if it doesn’t eat him first, he’ll eat it! (Okay, maybe not that bad, but he will try to eat popcorn kernels, cantaloupe rinds, sweet potato skins, and even bones – yes, he tries to eat the bones!)
At the produce market, we’re loading up on yummy veggies to have sitting around for my amazing chef/babysitter/awesome sister to create dinner with. Lucas loves to help. He’s tossing perfect Sebago potatoes into the bag (he never misses), squishes a pepper (we’re buying this one) with “Yummy! Green strings!” (If we chop peppers he eats them raw), and “yeah! Sticks!” as we bag carrots (which he tries to eat before they are weighed). Despite Mom continually repeating the accurate name of any vegetable or fruit in the world, Lucas appears to prefer his own made-up nicknames for everything. (Onions are “ouch,” pumpkins are “pies,” and broccoli are “trees” or “flowers”)
At the counter, Jaquline helps lay out our items while telling the manager what each vegetable is. Manager stops setting Brussels Sprouts in pint baskets to ring our items; he is chomping on fresh cherries. Lucas points at the basket, he’s super excited (Brussels Sprouts, roasted or raw, are his favorite). “Mommy, PLEASE BALLS!”
“Lucas, we already have your balls in the bag,” Jaquline informs instantly, while showing him a bag of said vegetable (using the nickname I have tried to eradicate). Mr. Manager’s face is crimson. He pops another cherry in his mouth (maybe he hopes everyone will think the red came from the cherry). A couple at the back of the store chuckle.
“Yes, we are getting Brussels Sprouts, Lucas,” I say calmly, trying to decide if I want to become microscopic or be proud that he loves his veggies aka balls. I’m sure my face matches the cherries too. (I’m beginning to think this is why my teenagers remain outside the store.)
As we pay, Mr. Manager neatly boxes everything up, scoops up a handful of cherries, slides them in a baggie and deposits them in Lucas’ reach with: “here’s some snacks for my favorite customer who loves balls” and winks at him.
Teenagers! Boys! I don’t know which is worse. “Daddy!” as we get home, Lucas shrieks, “look what we got, balls!” “Yummy balls,” he grins. I amend my thoughts to include, men!
But, yes, this is hilariously funny and I’m sure we will laugh about Lucas’ weird names for everything one day… if I can live through it!
Thanks for reading!
Type at you next time,
~Nancy Tart
